Prayer that Makes it Work: Aspirations

"Mommy!"

"What?"

"Mommy!"

"What?"

"Mommy!"

"What?"

"Mommy!"

"What?"

Not so long ago, one of my children went through a phase that involved wanting constant reassurance of my presence. The dialogue above was common, even when I was clearly in sight, e.g. sitting directly in front of her while driving the van. At times I made it into a little competition for myself to see if I could outlast her, responding to the point that she finally gave up. At other times I angrily erupted, "IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO ASK ME OR TELL ME COULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING 'MOMMY!'!!!!"

Though this dialogue isn't as common now as it once was, I find that my kids still like to know where I am and what I'm doing when we're at home together. On one occasion when I was "lost" in the house (downstairs, changing a load of laundry), I found a daughter frantically searching for me and crying. In my experience, my kids can lose sight of me for awhile and play happily, but at some point they'll want to check in with me and make sure I'm still there.

So also, the Christian life involves always keeping God in sight, remembering that God is there throughout the day, regardless of what you're doing. For parenting mortification, this is particularly important. If we want to die to self and live for God, it will take a lot of help and reminders of the presence of God. One traditional method of keeping in touch with God is prayers of aspiration. The root of that word "aspiration" means breathing, and, in fact, prayers of aspiration should be kind of like breathing - constant and almost unnoticed, but certainly not insignificant.

St. Francis deSales devotes Chapter 13 of Part 2 of Introduction to the Devout Life to this topic. DeSales notes that this kind of prayer is not a difficult practice: "it may be interwoven with all our duties and occupations, without hindering any." And perhaps this is why aspirations are so key for parenting mortification. Our prayer opportunities before having children may have been more diverse; it was easier to make it to an hour of Eucharistic adoration or pray the complete Divine Office. Maybe extended lectio divina meditation or long Rosary walks were favorites. With the presence of kids, however, fitting in these spiritual practices in a typical day can be much more challenging. But aspirations, on the other hand, are just as easy to do with kids as without, with a packed schedule or with a more relaxed schedule. Praying aspirations does not require going anywhere, sitting still, looking at a book, or holding prayer beads. This prayer can be done anytime (yes, including the middle of the night) and any place (park and office both included!).

Aspirations are not unlike the dialogue that began this post. Again, deSales writes "...those who love God cannot cease thinking of Him, living for Him, longing after Him, speaking of Him." Like little children who want constant reassurance of their parents, we use aspirations to stay in constant touch with God. Such prayers may be quite short and arise spontaneously in distress: "Please, God!" or "Help me be patient!" At other times, these prayers may express something more particular: "Jesus, I trust in you!" is a good one for times of anxiety. Sometimes these prayers may be liturgically inspired: "Come, Lord Jesus" (Advent) or "Alleluia!" (Easter) or "Oh, dear Jesus, make my heart like yours!" (month of June). If we have a particular intention, our aspirations may focus on that specific prayer, with constant petitions throughout the day.

Bearing cheerfully with the struggles of parenting works best when we realize that we're not in it alone - that we have the constant support of God. The work we do - in the home with children, as well as our professional work - is not simply about us but has significance beyond the natural level. Aspirations enable us to be reminded of that throughout our day. DeSales states that this prayer "can supply all other deficiencies, but there is hardly any means of making up where this is lacking. Without it no one can lead a true contemplative life, and the active life will be imperfect where it is omitted: without it rest is but indolence, labour but weariness..."

So if you feel like your prayer life has taken a hit since you became a parent, aspirations might be a good way to reinvigorate it. They don't take any extra set-aside time. You can say them when you get out of the shower, walk down the stairs, get the mail, change a diaper, start your car, pour your coffee, tie your shoe, tie your kid's shoe... and this constant contact with God can be a source of help or comfort when you encounter the less pleasant aspects of parenting.